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Q and A

May 05, 2008; Zeke Asks:

What happens when you eat too many of them? I mean, what happens if one were to get carried away with 100% sugar free acne medicine?

Stacey answers:

Okay, these are vitamins that are supposed to prevent acne, to fill things in for you kids at home. It says on the website that the maltitol syrup in these vitamin-acne-candy things may have a laxative effect. So try this experiment while you are near sanitary facilities.

May 03, 2008; Small Hearted Asks:

I just got broken up with by a guy who I only kind of liked. But he did it like an adult, which is unusual in this day and age, and that sort of made me respect him so now I'm sad although I was usually annoyed with him when we were going on. What do I do to get over it?

Stacey answers:

Being broken up with sucks universally, Small Heart, so you're going to feel like shit for a while no matter what. But I will pass on a trick I learned from the poet Richard Siken: accept that you're going to feel like shit no matter what--you're not allowed to fight it!--then, at the same time, try to have the best time you possibly can while feeling like shit. I'm not sure what this involves for you, maybe things like bubble baths, the Enquirer, drinking, Law and Order marathons, sushi, cake, the Lush store, purging your closet/shelves/desk (strangely satisfying), digging holes and putting plants in them, knitting a wallet, going to the thrift store, painting something orange, blue, or green, drinking lattes, low-dose nicotine patches (better than coffee), 1/2 a valium, arranging knick knacks, sleeping, visiting a friend's dog/cat/monkey, etc. And, while you are doing these things, you can remind yourself that at least you weren't in love with him. It's impressive that he broke up with you like a grown-up (I've never heard of a man doing this), but nevertheless, I read what you wrote and even if he's earned your respect I can tell that you weren't in love with him. In fact, every pang of humiliation, embarrassment, worthlessness, and self-recrimination you feel is good, because those feelings mean you feel dumped, and feeling dumped, terrible as it is, is a lot easier than the pain of losing someone you love.

If that doesn't help, then sleep with someone else.

May 03, 2008; Asks:

can I make a suggestion? It would be awfully fun and internet hip of you to put your film on You Tube. Then we could all see it. Or, if You tube is too much for you, you could put it on your website here somewhere and we could all click and be amazed.

Stacey answers:

I can't. I made it with someone else and I don't have her permission to put it on You Tube. Life is complicated, making things is complicated--in other words it's complicated. But someday I might get permission and put up an excerpt and you'll see that it's not that great anyway.

May 01, 2008; suffocating in cincinnati Asks:

Living with men is . . .

Stacey answers:

...optional. And I've proved it by avoiding it my entire adult life.

Whenever I'm with my boyfriend and feel suffocated I just go home (where he does not live). So, once again, I am not the right person to ask. Since I am a sociopath.

Apr 28, 2008; Wag Asks:

Victor, I already tried prying a copy of Invisible World from Stacey, to no avail. Hey Stacey, what's up?

Stacey answers:

God, I'll give you one. Do I have one?

We are talking about a cute but embarrassing 16 mm movie I made 15 years ago. It has a lot of great Tucson landmarks in it, some gone, some about to go, like Magic Carpet Golf. This is the Tiki God hole.

Wondering who to worship? How about the Tiki God Hole. tiki head

Apr 28, 2008; victor of christmas past Asks:

how does one go about acquiring a copy of invisible world? it is presently "unavailable" at my local Blockbuster.

Stacey answers:

Victor, I will send you one when I get it put onto DVD, probably sometime this summer. Will you email me in a few months and give me your address? I'm

Apr 20, 2008; Col. Mustard Asks:

What's your favorite murder weapon? What's your favorite literary death?

Stacey answers:

I like the garrote. Ivan Ilych is my all-time favorite literary death.

Apr 15, 2008; Omega Quattro Asks:

Are you the kind of person who gets obessesd with certain words or phrases? Have you come across any good sentences lately?

Stacey answers:

"It has already been mentioned that the carbohydrates are the obvious and fruitful cause of derangements of digestion that are clinically determined, especially diarrhea and flatulence." -Christian Herter

Apr 09, 2008; Dan Asks:

Better question: When you yourself were getting the early rejections how did you stay optimistic and keep sending the same stories out?.... I didn't mean to imply something snarky or cynical by asking about Cavemen in the Hedges --for some reason I thought that was your first published story. Thanks!

Stacey answers:

Dan, I didn't stay optimistic. I felt forlorn and stupid and embarrassed and unloved. But I also thought the people at the magazines that rejected me were stupid and unlovable and embarrassing, so I sent stories out again in order to spite them and/or to prove that I didn't care what they thought. If publishing stories--or anything in my life--required optimism, then I would be screwed.

Though I think what you're really asking is how you can stay optimistic and persevere when you send your own stories out...and I'm not being very helpful. I have a weird affinity for rejection, failure, and being overlooked--I'm crushed by it but there's also a little voice inside me that says, Oh goody. I like to think this is a girl thing, since girls are often subtly punished when they succeed, but it's probably a me thing. But, given this, I might not be the best person to ask about rejection.

Apr 08, 2008; Dan Asks:

A couple recent questions have popped up about publication. How many rejections did Cavemen in the Hedges get before acceptance. Zero? Two? Fifteen?

Stacey answers:

My agent shopped that around for me, which is nice because I don't have to see the rejections and I only hear vague comments like, "The New Yorker passed." So I'm not really sure how many rejections it got--probably about four.

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