Hi chillers,

I didn't know burritos came in bags--like bags of chips come in bags? Oh wait, I'm not supposed to ask questions in my answers. Okay, well: as for endings, all I can say is that ideally the ending should be lurking somewhere in the beginning. But endings are tricky. Sometimes it's better not to end exactly at the end. Sometimes it works better to put the ending at the beginning, or somewhere in the middle, especially with literary fiction, which relies on a certain amount of ambiguity for its power and mystery, the same way that the bag hides the burrito. Until you remove it from the bag. And eat it. Or maybe you already ate it.

No, I hadn't seen it, but now I have. My old friend Lana Rebel! That's great.

Dear Aboriginal Penis Splitter,

Thank you so much for your follow-up question! Yes, I like cupcakes.

I am sort of saying that people are so drawn to myth that myth trumps the scientific method in their head, though I too am very fond of the idea that people who don't believe in the theory of evolution are fucking idiots.

I actually think that people who choose the bible over evolution probably don't let themselves seriously consider the science. Maybe science doesn't trump myth in their heads because the two are not weighed against each other--I'm sure you know these types. The don't want to talk about it, they just want to be right. But they want to be right because their mythology means so much to them! It's easy to be angry with the closed-minded, and to fear them as well, but I have to say, I find it kind of adorable to see grown-up people believing so fervently in imaginary beings. And I do think we all partake of this sort of thing to some extent. I myself was a devout Barbie player as a child and I still believe that very beautiful women, correctly dressed, can conquer the world, despite a great deal of evidence to the contrary.

Hi Purple. I like spring. February is spring here and it's lovely. I don't have a favorite vacation destination but I'll try to make up something.

Dear Wag,

Thank you for asking me a question about science. I like science, especially biology, but I don't want to see any actual blood, okay? Wait, what was the question? Oh yes, evolution. I have three hypotheses as to why Americans don't believe in the theory of evolution. 1) They don't understand what the word "theory" means. In popular usage, a theory is something like a notion or an idea, rather than a rigorously tested hypothesis, which is what the word means in the scientific sense. For example gravity, which most people refer to as "gravity," is known in scientific literature as the theory of gravity.

2) They are fucking idiots.

3) Humans have a need for mythology. We might even have neurological pathways in our brains that are receptive to mythological notions. Though many observers have commented on this, like Freud, Jung, Joseph Campbell, and Shakespeare, there's something opaque about the mythology of one's own culture that makes it seem normal, or even non-existent. It's easy to look at some aboriginal penis-splitting ritual and think, "Wow, that's bizarre. What the hell are they thinking in their superstitious heads?" but it's harder to look at our own culture and see that we have our own strange, violent, and nonsensical mythology. In other words, Wag, people believe in the bible. They believe in the biblical creation myth. Some people believe in crazy shit. They always have. In a way, I think it's sort of cute, like playing Barbie, but on a grand scale, and by adults. I always approve of playing! Just as long as none of the players has any political power.

I'm not sure what should be done about it. It does occur to me that if the creation people were not allowed to breed, evolution would take care of the rest. Quickly.

KKB! I just wrote about a bunch of stuff that I liked and realized how it came together later. I do think you have to seek it out, and I agree that themes are mysterious, slippery, and weird, but that's the wonder of having a personality. You are really you, you are not empty, and even if you are empty, then that's what you are and it has its own internal logic and diction and structure and loves and hates, and getting this to emerge in your writing is (probably) the reason you're writing in the first place. Or part of the reason. Yes, it's hard, but all of writing is hard. Though this Q and A isn't really that hard, so maybe I'm not totally on the right track with that. Well, if you find an easy way, please let me know how you do it.

Hi Chrissy. I don't know what the overall argument is in "The Beauty Treatment." Was there an argument? I say that because to me, an argument is one side of a debate or a strident point-of-view. Most literary fiction is not really concerned with taking sides or stating things so starkly. If I wanted to make an argument or teach society something, I'd write an essay that said exactly what I meant to say. Maybe something like, "Guns are bad," or "TV causes teenage violence." Then I would say what I thought should be done to fix the problem: "Guns should be seized by the government," or "TV shows should only be about pretty rainbows and nice unicorns." But a short story is more about what it feels like to be alive and what it is in life that creates meaning.

As a writer, I am not trying to argue or teach. I'm trying to reveal and share. And make you happy. In sort of a sad way. But still happy.

Yes, I really think the health-thing about chugging water all the time is total bullshit. We are sophisticated creatures with a primary function of maintaining internal homeostasis. I don't believe we've spent millions of years evolving from the briny deep just to have a whacked-out thirst system that leaves us dehydrated all the time. I mean, wouldn't that be the first thing our bodies would work out? And the whole logic of always pushing additional fluids through one's system (in order to remain sufficiently hydrated) seems flawed, if not sort of crazy. Why not push additional food through the system all the time in order to remain sufficiently nourished? Or apply lotion incessantly in order to remain sufficiently moisturized? You see where I'm going with this. I suspect this is an artifact of the whole body/mind dualism theme of our judeo-christian outlook. Our bodies can't know what we need, we are a nation of fat pigs who would eat all the time if we did not use our minds to control our bodies, in fact we don't even know if we're thirsty or not and need written instructions (8 glasses a day) in order to figure out how much to drink. I don't buy it. I don't even really even truly think that water is much of a hangover cure. For me, the salient point seems to be how much booze I drink, not how much water. It might be fun/miserable to test this sometime.

I haven't read Emily Carter. I'll get it!

It's okay. Don't panic. There are plenty of other disturbing tragedies in the world for you to go over and over in your head, some of them much more recent than 9/11. I suggest you remember one of them instead.